不明白

就因为我每次喜皮笑脸，
你们就可以踩过头吗？

什么是朋友？
难道朋友就是你们所用的道具？

我现在还能忍你们，
可是我保证如果有一天，
你们踩过头，
你们一定会后悔。

我对你们好不要求
有什么回报，
但至少也要尊崇我！
法克哟！！！！！！！！

positive

well, today i am not going to post anything emo
but something positive.
i spend my weekend in Ipoh, because
i wanna spend more time with my bro before he is leaving.

hmm.. we watched Karate Kid this saturday,
trust me this movie is worth to watch
a lot of moral value in it.
especially the line that it says
"life may break you down, its either you choose to stand up and stay there crying"
something like that.. haha kinda forget exactly what it says.

oh ya, almost forget, haha.. something ridiculous happen yesterday,
guess what my house water meter steal by some other people.
can you believe it? even that junk people want to steal it.
come on! what a society we are in now.

whats life?

life is full of challenges,
in our life we will face a lot problems
and difficulties, life never been easy for us.
we need to overcome a lot things, sometimes we will ask God
why does our problems never come to an end?

when i look back to my life,
at first i found happiness and protection,
but once i stepped into the reality,
slowly i learn bitter and insecurity.

sometimes you just wish,
wish that someone will come into your life
and helped at least understand you
someone who manage to protect you and give you hope.
i know i know, we should seek God,
but sometimes things just don't end up that easy

maybe its true that i no longer end up with faith,
well, its all because this world is getting more horrible and scary
sometimes i just wish to have a comfort zone for me stay comfort and away
from all these.

my heart is yelling for help,
many pass by but does not help.
where? who? is the one who going to take me away from
the bitterness. anyone can wash away my scars?

back

hey peeps, i am back to blogspot.
well, recently is been a busy semester for me.
phew. so many things to do in a short time.
assignments, activities and so on. cant even catch my breath.
i have lots of good news and also bad news.
good news are, finally i have an air con for my room. and i have a lovely roomate aran=) love her so much. well, i enjoyed staying here with my gang of crazy friends. i bought a new lap top, mobile phone within a month. wow! but i m not as rich as you thought k.
though i get satisfied by all the gadgets and stuff i had, there is something missing in my life,
that is i need a person to give me security and love. which i am still searching in the moment.
i feel lonely and upset in my heart. wondering why is it take so long for someone to enter my life.
most of my friends found theirs and i am happy for them. deep down, i feel depressed. well, face the fact that no matter how strong i look, i still need someone to support me. i am now far away from home, and i miss them too. hmm.... i really dono how to go on. well, wish me luck for everything. there is some much to tell in my heart. but i dun feel like saying it out. so.. just wish me luck and keep me in prayer. God Bless. <3

2010

不知不觉已经是新的一年。

坐在椅上的我一个人寻找当年的回忆，

2009 是个平淡的一年但却带点复杂

一直以来注重别人如何看待的我刚发现自己却忽略了自己的心情。

我是否太好人了？直到忘了自己的存在。

迷惘的我不知该如何走下一步，

人人都说新的一年该有新的开始，

可是这有我的份吗？

一直都用尽办法去了解别人的难处的我得到了什么？

别人有用心的了解你吗？不是一样误会被谁都多。

一次又一次的被失望，做人真累。

被爱情伤害一次比一次深，

友情一次比一次伤感，

家人距离越来越遥远，

金钱花了去哪儿？

自己去背叛了自己的学业。

为了得到利益却伤害了自己的自尊，

有时想想我有自尊吗？

被人讽刺被人拿来开玩笑时，

却没帮自己生气而是在那傻笑和默默同意，

我还是原本的我吗？

原本的我已和现在的我有了遥远的距离。

忘了自我。。 2010 谁来救我？

i hate the world!!

how i wish 2012 is now! i wanna go heaven as soon as possible.. i dun like this..

why? why? why? why? yes.. i look strong outside but i have a weak heart, just one touch and it will break into pieces. why? yes.. i like to act but doesnt mean i m a liar. yes. i like to joke but doesnt mean i m childish. yea. i like to laugh but doesnt mean that i m okay with everything. i hate wearing mask... why?. why? why cant u guys treat me better? am i really that bad? do u guys know me well? i hate gossips!! being self centered, pride, gossips bring u no where but DEATH!!!

i am tired.. who am i to u all? who am i? who am i? i hate myself for being a clown.

I'M BACK!!

emo jer...

me and my (MAID) dana.. haha

yo ipoh mali ipoh ipoh mali.

ladies and gentlemen... i am BACK!! phew...

there are thousands and millions things need to express from my heart.

FIRST.. busy busy busy but now free..

i am kind of busy this sem cause its short sem but i m kind of free too..

gosh... what am i talking? haha.. what i mean is i m busy when i m very busy.

i am free when i m very free. =.=

SECOND.. Friend + Family= LOVE

yea.. finally i am awake.. nothing is more important than family and friends.

i found that i am tired with couple love or get in a relationship.

because it is complicated and stress.

haha where u let someone to control over you bla bla bla..

come on, who says u only can get love from couple..

well, i think i m blessed because i have a bunch of friends and lovely family

to give me love. although i have bitterness in my past but i think God plant joy and hope in

my heart.. soon i will have a big family in my house.

yes!! we will cook, lepak, study together..

THIRD.. JESUS I LOVE YOU

well, i m kinda guilty because i m not attending church for almost 2 months.

nor pray or read the bible.. i m totally out of my Christian life.. but i know that

God is still with me and blessed me and i love Him too.. i promise i will get back to him soon.. muacckss.. XOXO

_THE END_

going back to PJ.

i am sorry for being emo these days.. i know some of you do care bout me.. thanks a lot.. you guys do cheer me up sometimes.. i think i am the one who causing myself to be like this, because i cant find the way to express my true self.. i am used to be alone in the olden days.. i m glad to see Ruth comment.. thanks girl.. you are so sweet.. i love you too.. well, all i can say is everyone has their own problem.. no matter how life still needs to go on.. so do i.. i m still trying and struggling to find a way to express myself.. haizz... it takes so long..

finally today i get my result.. well, is not that good and not that bad.. kinda average.. of course i would to get a higher mark, but i had done my best.. so thank God too, for blessing me.. i would to thanks all my assignment course mate.. without their hard work i wont get such a good result.. thanks guys... love you all... well.. all i need is just some time i guess.. kinda tired to communicate here.. aikss.. elaine ar elaine~~

you care?

anyone of you care how i feel? what i am doing? whats my problem recently? am i healthy?

or all of you are busy with your own issue.. how you feel, what problems are you facing, how sad are you and so on.. anyone of you take the initiative to concern bout me? to pick me up when i am down, to set me free when i am struggling, to stand on my side.. mostly my daily routine is to.. help this to solve problem.. help that to do their orders.. get judge by them.. i m sorry.. i am trying to be patience but i really cant stand it anymore.. some of you may think that i am seeking attention.. because in your eyes i am always an attention seeker.. i have changed but no one notice.. can anyone of you stand on my side and think for me.. things that is best for you doesnt mean its going to be best for me..i have my own way, but did i get a chance to do it my way? i am losing my confident.. you guys do not help me to be cleared for what i want but causing me to be lost and confused.. first..... i loose my confident... second i don't know what i want, third i have lost myself.. and now i don't know who i am.. sometimes.. i prefer to stay in a room ALONE.. rather than going out and social.. when there is only me alone.. i found the freedom.. i am stressed to be someone's yeeling.. i want to be my own yeeling.. i miss you yeeling.. my soul, please come back to me... dont leave me hanging in the dead city... i m dead.... yea.. i am smiling but deep down i am bleeding..

my inspiration..

十分爱我你曾经说过，

可是现在你却不爱我，

爱我其实是否你的错。

说过会陪我渡过生活，

可是你却忍心丢下我，

孤独一人在寂寞角落，

还叫我别难过。

going back to IPOH..

hurayyyy!!! tomorrow i am going back to ipoh, the place where i belong..

i m going to celebrate my mum's birthday... arghhh.. October.. the month that both of my parents birthday.. haha.. i would like to announce i am BROKE!! haha.. i dunno how and when i spend all my my money.. OMG!! i need money... aikss.. i m kinda confused and lost these days.. i dunno what i want.. there is something missing but.. i dunno what is it.. arghh.. my dad had moved to kl.. and we spend almost everyday during the week.. driving around pj kl bangsar and so on.. haha.. i miss all my dearest friends.. i feel kinda lonely when its night.. nobody is here for me.. i am all home alone..

ish.... watch all sort of drama series and so on.. i m taking my muet test next next week.. i hope that i can manage to pass this.... hmmmmm...........

sem break!!

yea~~~ sem break!! i should be happy for sem break but i dont...

i feel sad and boring.. i don't like sem break.. i m lost during sem break. dunno what to do..

life is so boring.. i miss all my hotel kaki.. i miss all my friends.. owhhhh... i miss soo many things.. and guess what i am going to learn BAHASA TAMIL in sem 2!! uh hu~~ i am true Malaysian.. haha.. i m used to my busy life and sud i become so free.. arghh not used to it.. i miss my kam lan the most.. so many things to tell her... i miss everyone of you.. somebody call 911.. i m so boring.. come on!! Daddy's birthday is coming soon....

~HAPPY BIRTHDAY~

FRUSTRATED!!

i cant stand it anymore.. she always spoiled my mood.. she always control over me..

whatever i do or plan to do.. she will COMPLAIN! whatever i tease my friend she wanna care also.. arghhh... she is testing my patience.. i m trying to be patience for so long.. i know she want me to grow and learn to be helpful.. I AM LEARNING!! AND I LEARNED TO BE TOO.. IS JUST YOU ARE HAVING THIS DISCRIMINATION THAT I HAVEN CHANGED... everyone here has a discrimination over me.. that i am FAT! LAZY! STUPID! IMMATURE! well don't judge me if you don't know me.. i had changed.. sometimes before judging someone is good to see whether are you perfect enough to judge someone.. thats why i never judge anyone of you for so long.. don't make me start it!! i respected all of you so respect me too.. if not i don't know to stay.. THATS ALL..

monster!!

Outing!!

i love this=) thx to ruth..

thanks Ruth!!

my finger=)

music = my life

goodbye sem 1~

Alvin please dont go...

me and alvin ( the man behind me)

me and my papa ( cha cha)

me and superstar (Elvis)

BC2 kopitiam

time flies.. its time to say goodbye to BC2.. although we will be in diff class next sem, you all are forever in my heart. heart you=) especially Alvin.. the man behind me.. i will miss you.. how i wish i manage to influence you for making u stay.. you still have a chance.. dun go pls... you are our best friend. and we do cherish every thing that u did for us... without you, my life wont be perfect anymore. nobody will cook leong sui for me adi. nobody will paint my wall, mop my floor.. sad=(

well, i am sorry if i ever hurted anyone before during this sem. i know i m a lazy bump for this sem. i am sorry for not being responsible for my assignment.. i am sorry and i will change.. please give me one more chance=) and thanks to those who admire me.. haha.. i am not that great act... i am just doing what i like to do... hehe... i know i m noisy sometimes.. sorry ya.. well i am glad that u guys have fun during class=) hehe.. thanks for giving me the best COMEDIAN award... haha..

thanks for showing me that i am special.. hehe.. and every single one of you are special in my eyes too.. thank you.. heart you all=) muackksss

MERDEKA!!

Pity Tat..

HISTORY MAKERS!!

AKU DENGAN KAMLAN KU..

TANGGAL TIGA PULUH SATU.. BULAN LAPAN.. LIMA PULUH TUJUH!! MERDEKA MERDEKA TETAPLAH MERDEKA!! happy merdeka friends=) well, i spend my merdeka in the highway=( we went to PD this weekend~~ uhhu~~ me n my kamlan were insane during the journey back to KL we are damn patriotik.. haha.. we sang lots of song.. (kamlan is tone deaf).. haha.. ~i got a feeling~ hehe.. well. i m moving soon!! yea.. i found someone to rent my room d.. thank God.. everything runs so smoothly.. really need to thank Him a lot.. my new room gotta be great with Alvin help=) yippie there will be water heater and bathroom attached.. syoikk.. hehe.. my sem 1 is going to end=( n we may not meet each other that often next sem.. i m going to miss al my friends and especially you.. i know we been through a lot of arguement and stuff.. but u are still my best friend.. cause i know u care bout me a lot.. thank you BC2!! i m

Relationships are complicated.

i admit last time i treat relationship as very important, because i seek love from it. but now i had changed because i found a better place to seek love which is seek God love. now i can see that many ppl have suffer a lot from relationship failure or broken relationship. couple argue with each other, ppl cant get the one that they love. wake up my friend is these very important? i am nt saying that they are not important but face the fact there are still a lot of things to be done in this world. stop letting relationship to conquer ur life.. stop sitting on the floor and complain how bad ur life is or complain how sad are u how hurt are u but STAND UP and do something meaningful.. there are lots of things that need to be solved these days. stop just giving love to ur love one, give some to ppl who NEED love. i learned something from jessica. she has the sympathetic towards anyone. she is a love giver.. haha a bit over right? but last week she did something which i admire a lot. normally when there is a begger we will try to avoid or just ignore them, admit it k.. haha..but for jessica is diff. she will buy food for them=) she brought a rm5 bread to the begger. others may think that she is stupid. but i think she is right. when we are spending our love or money to someone that dun need it, we will think that it is worth, but when we are spending our love and money to ppl that NEED it. we will complain or feel regret.. aikss.. so friend listen to me.. there are a lot of needs out there, stop locking urself in the comfort zone bt walk out and u will see a lot of things.. =)